Today marks day 24 in our third cycle of trying to conceive. According to the stats it’s estimated that around 60% of couples conceive within three cycles of trying. Which means by the weekend we’ll know if we fall into that 60% or not.
I think we have both found our patience running out at various points in our journey. Sometimes this can lead to frustration at our own bodies not doing exactly what we want. Tears when Aunt Flo arrives and all sorts of other feelings in between.
TTC: To share or not to share, that is the question
We started out keeping things relatively quiet from others, sharing only with two of our closest friends. However, along the way, we’ve shared a bit more, which kind of has its pros and cons. Last month, while waiting for my period to arrive I had the longest cycle ever in over a year. During this time, it’s hard to think about anything else. Everything else in your life is kind of on hold a bit, just waiting for the second pink line to appear on the pee stick.
Last month, the night before my period finally arrived I was (somewhat reluctantly) going out with friends. It’s pretty hard keeping the news from them when they’re pouring you prosecco with dinner and finding it weird you’re getting tap water at the bar. After tipping my prosecco into my friend’s toilet I decided to share the news with her.
However on the flipside, once people know they almost expect an update on the situation. This then kind of makes it feel worse when there isn’t good news to share. I am pretty much sick of hearing the words ‘oh I’m sure it’ll happen soon’ uttered from well-meaning friends and family. And at worst, your friends who don’t know just think you’ve become really boring since you got your new boyfriend two years ago.
Try not to worry what others think; everyone has their own struggles
I think because our relationship hasn’t followed the traditional path (to say the least) people aren’t sitting there waiting to hear the news. We don’t have the house (just yet- we will 😉 or the shiny wedding photo on the shelf in the living room. Which also brings its own issues. At lunch last week, two friends were sharing that they always think a baby is an accident if the couple isn’t married. And openly admitted that they probably shouldn’t think that.
It’s hard sometimes to just let people’s opinions wash over you; but you have to remember, that’s all they are. Everyone’s opinions are formed based on their own experiences. One friend shared that everyone in her (fairly religious) family got married before they had kids. And her two closest home friends have also followed suit. Another’s parents almost divorced, but worked things out she believes because they were married.
People will always judge you, but it’s down to you to work out what is negotiable and what isn’t. While big, famcy weddings are higher on their priority list right now, to me they really aren’t, and you know what that’s fine too.
The bitter brigade
Another thing approaching 32 entails in the bitter brigade constantly criticising and commenting on those settling down. Yes people are getting engaged, they are ‘settling’, and yes they may have put on some weight when they are nine months pregnant! People have other priorities than getting drunk at the weekend and your bitterness isn’t helping you to achieve the same. They aren’t boring, they’re just not acting like reckless teenagers anymore- rant over.
The grandparents to-be
And mums are a whole other dimension as they eagerly await becoming grandparents. My mum’s friend shared the news her newly married daughter was trying (queue speculation at a pretty bumpy looking photo which appeared on Facebook). Six months later and no news and strange excuses about having to wait due to visiting Mexico on their honeymoon. I think she is just trying to save face a bit, but again, it wouldn’t have happened if she had kept it under her hat.
Jobs, careers and maternity leave
It’s easy for this journey to become all consuming, but I think it’s important to try not to let it. My work had started to get me down at the end of last year, I found it boring, uninspiring and unfulfilling with the threat of redundancy potentially not too far off. What’s a girl to do? Wait it out if only for the easy commute (ten min walk) and good maternity leave? Or jump ship and get the hell out of there, but potentially sacrifice some of the mat leave? Well it seems life sometimes just throws something your way right when you need it.
After accepting a random LinkedIn request I quickly had a telephone interview followed by a face to face and a new job offer. Bit more money, better prospects (hopefully) and the commute is outweighed by the potential to work from home 1-2 days per week. Yep, it worries me a bit I may join and quickly fall preg.
But it was also a great way of distracting me from menstrual cycles, fertility apps and waiting for my period. I’m hoping with a new challenge ahead, my mind will be much more occupied with the new role than if I had carried on plodding along in my current job.
The dreaded two week wait
While all of this is going on, you become pretty conscious of your health so generally your downtime starts to change. It’s no longer all about prosecco brunches and dinners with cocktails. Rather than sitting around I’d definitely recommend taking up a new hobby. I signed up to one of those posh gyms with all the nice classes and pool and spa area. I try to go around four times per week, and particularly find the holistic classes helpful for calming my mind and just giving me something else to focus on.
On that note, I am also trying to enjoy all the food and drink you can’t eat when there is a little one on board. Think cheese, bubbles, sushi and seafood. Having something to look forward to (that isn’t baby related) is also important. So this month we’ll be planning a weekend away somewhere, and who knows maybe we can give the baby some kind of exotic name like Paris, Brooklyn or Madrid 😉